all of what you have read here...its not the true depiction of who i am on a day to day basis.
but what would you do if you were in my position.
ive already lead you to understand some of my mind state.
so..here is my placement.
you're sane....but then for months at a time you discover other "entities" in your mind. and they want out. these entities want ur mind and body to live in as they choose. your soul now has to fight.
you say things and do things that aren't you.
your character, your mind, thoughts and your spirit of being, somehow stolen by the devil.
basically you, your person as you know so well, isnt being displayed.
the person people have loved isnt around anymore, or is just unrecognisable as being you.
FIGHT FOR YOUR MIND
no matter how much in your soul you know your still in there. in that body of yours, in that mind of thoughts, somewhere is your own mind sight.
i never let go of the knowledge that it was my life and i would get my spirit back my mind back and my body. i would get me back to normality. i was strong in this knowledge even when i had no control of the paths my mind took.
yet sometimes i had to just run with what my mind presented to me as a possible reality.
although dangerous as it is to loose urself in insanity.
its more dangerous to struggle with it agressivly. its tiring and the result is falling deeper into the fear and paranoia, delusions and pain.
a negative response denotes a negative outcome. a positive aproach maintains and strengthens a positive outcome.
even when i fell into my insanity, it was clear to me that it wasnt sumthing i had argue with. why argue in ur mind just because u disagree with ur thoughts.
its a process of CHANGE and CONTROL but whats greater is its a CHOICE. to CHOOSE to keep a underlying quiet message to urself that its not true.
I DO NOT BELIVE IN THESE DELUSIONS.
it was easy for me once i realised it. a delusion is a dream while ur awake. seemingly more real because ur 100times more aware of the deam/delusion being played out.
SO..... why this blog
i wanted to let out these "entities" in away that i could control it so it dosnt come raging back into my mind with a vengeance.
i knew it would be a way to let go of it. letting go of falling ill to stages of insanity.
when im insane... im insane, but im still aware of reality.
when im sane... im sane. and thats reality.
insanity isn't permanent.
dont judge me because ive been "mentally unwell"
if you gotta judge, be in my life and take a closer look before you do judge.
funny thing is outa all my rantings in this blog.
this is probably the closest look ive alowed to be seen.
dont know if its a wise move or not.
never mind if its not.
probably safer than some of the thing ive written being seen.
SO THATS WHY,
AND (WHY) WILL ALWAYS LEAD US TO A MORE KNOWLEDGABLE TRUTH.